Tagore

Have always been fond of reading Rabindra Nath Tagore's work.. This is one of my favorites.. My dream of an even more fabulous India..

Where the mind is without fear and the head held high
Where knowledge is free
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls
Where words come out from the depth of truth
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit
Where the mind is led forward by Thee into ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake...

Kabira

Jab mein tha tab Hari Nahin, Abh Hari hai to mein nahin
Sab andhiyara mit gaya, Jab Deepak dekhiya mahin


I heard this couplet for the 1st time in a Sufi concert.. apt I thought because Kabir Das was as Sufi as someone could get.. Having admired his work since school, I was deeply touched by what I heard..

As I sat in Delhi’s Humayun tomb in a night illuminated sparsely by stars, candles, melody and a solitary moon and tears flowing unchecked and without an ounce of self consciousness, I let the resonant voice of Abida Parveen fill my soul and senses with yet a more deeper and selfless love for that higher power..

I realized that the illumination around me was not the stars or an external light source but the illumination of Him. The darkness of my ego, selfishness, ignorance was slowly diminishing with a striking beam of light. The “I” factor was slowly immersing itself and dissolving in His love..

The world that I live in, with my desires and expectations that I have from myself and my existence stirs me away from that light.. I realise that I can't entirely stop being selfish or that I am the possessor of a detrimental ego or that the pursuit of worldly pleasures does still dictate my actions.. Maybe with the natural course that life follows things will change.. but still when the world seems very dark and I don’t which direction to turn in, I remember that sacred moment when I realized His physical presence stir inside me, where my heart is… and the feeling of eternal peace sweeps over me even if it is for just a few precious moments..

With that thought, I indulge myself today in the hope that as time passes, I will transcend from – I am there and God is not, to, God is there and I am not..

100 yellow ribbons

"Girls in white dresses with blue satin shashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eye lashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs

These are a few of my favorite things

When the dog barks
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad

I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feel.. so sad..."

- Maria - Sound of Music

My favorite things, moments of joy..

The rise and fall of your palm when placed on a baby’s sleeping back
The taste of heady French wine
The burst of exotic spices and aroma during a well cooked meal
Hot water in the shower
Orange, lavender, white, brown, red, azure and green
Monopoly and Pictionary
The soft cushion which puts you to sleep
Orange slush and Kala Khatta
An infants, uncaring and endearing toothless laugh
Autumn maple leaves
Oriental lilies aur Mogre ke phool
Walks under a starry sky
Hot steaming Tibetan Momos
An early morning jog through Central Park
The smell of grass after the rain
An unexpected greeting card
Garfield's laziness
A melting cone of ice-cream
The faith of a pilgrim
Starbucks, Java chip fraappuccino with an extra shot of peppermint
Rustling leaves in the light evening breeze
Lemon sorbet
The peace of someone’s exhausted slumber
The winter fog
Tears that come when you meet your God
A kite that finds its’ freedom from the clutches of a string
Bhel Puri aur sadak ke puchke
Cold water on a hot summer day
A day at the beach
The bells that toll in a church
Badminton
A two hour “stroll” through Barnes and Noble
Window shopping
The first monsoon shower
Dew drops on the petals of a rose
The window which lets in fresh air and keeps out the rain water

The sound of silence..

I.R.O.N.Y

I used to think and still do that the most clichéd way to commence writing on a particular subject is by defining it.. Through my papers in college or while maintaining my journal I tried to never introduce by way of definition..

However, today when I sit and think of how ironical life has been, I struggle to understand what irony truly means and how do we define it.. Isn’t it sort of ironical in its own way that someone who doesn’t like introducing by defining is thinking that the right place to start writing about irony is to actually understand and write out its’ definition… phew!

Irony by very many is defined as a simple twist of fate and even though I don’t think it is just that, irony is more often than not a consequence of what one’s destiny commands.. the incongruity that occurs from juxtaposing actuality and intention or a pre disposition of how a situation may occur and what really ends up happening…

I personally like to think that irony occurs when fate intervenes to make you realize that, that one thing that you wanted really bad is after all not so essential in life.. that you can certainly do without if you just exert a little bit of will power.. and if we manage to detatch ourselves enough and build strength of character by acceptance, who knows what we really wanted will come to us in a way we least expect.. I have also realized that options and opportunities that may not have even been on the periphery of one’s imagination surface because of that little twist of fate.. I can say this with confidence at least about my life, observing what has happened time and again in my educational and career path over the last seven or eight years..

It is these little twists of fate that leave me wondering sometimes about the what if’s of life and then I just smile to myself thinking that, it is after all because of these little ironies of life, that I have learnt what I have in the last few years and mostly am the person that I call myself today..

I sign off this little thought with a little bow to Socratic Irony where a great philosopher like Socrates himself in defense of self, says in Plato’s Apology, that he possess a wisdom that each of the other wise men in Athens lack, simply because he is openly aware of his own ignorance..

Retrospect..

Apne aap ko itna bhi kya sambhaalna..
Ki sambhalna tumhari fitrat hee ban jaaye..

As I look back at the last seven or eight years of my life, in retrospect I realize how much I have protected myself at every point from pain, from sorrow, from being hurt.. so much so that, that has become an inherent part of me, my nature, of how I react to situations..

Why are we scared of being hurt, why do we look out so much for ourselves, why don’t we let ourselves be a little more vulnerable, and most importantly learn to put a little more trust in a higher power or being to bail us out of certain life-changing yet profoundly educational experiences.. experiences that makes us stronger individuals.. better equipped to face the next curve ball that life throws our way..

It seems to me that I have almost played a sort of Tug of War with life, where I have tried to hold on to the rope too tight.. without realizing that sometimes it is essential to be pulled over to the other side.. or to feel the shock when life suddenly lets go of the rope and the foundation on which one stands gets pulled out from under the feet..

I guess I’ve realized or at least am trying to realize that its ok to fall, to scrape not only my knees but also my heart or maybe even the very essence of my being.. and it makes it less painful to know that at the end of the day when the healing process starts I will be a better, stronger and a less vulnerable person after the experience..

The show.. must go on

Sometimes life brings us on a stage where we face harsh lights and situations where we don’t how to perform.. or then sometimes forget our lines.. On a stage where there are lights, sound and the camera is rolling, the audience is watching us, judging every move, accepting and rejecting our prowess with every passing second.. Sometimes the next act becomes a faceless mystery..

It is at times like these that I realize even more that God is the director of this play.. He will be standing in the wings trying to tell you that its ok if you’ve forgotten your lines.. To not be intimidated by the audience because somewhere each person is on their own stage and you are their audience..

He will stand there and guide you in the right direction and re-iterate the point that no matter what, the show must go on.. That we are His puppets and he will guide us through one act to the next and then at the right time the curtain will drop..

All you have to do is trust Him and take his cue.. be willing to accept the help that He’s willing to extend.. Trust Him enough to know that at the end of the play their will be a standing ovation and tears at the sheer brilliance of the performance....

Ehsaas

Kahin khayalon mein dabi hui woh bhuli si dastaan
Shaam ki madhoshi diye si bhujti, pighalti
Meri shuvaon mein, sanson mein mehekta hua

Tha kahin ek ehsaas ki tum yahin kahin ho..

Os ke boondon jaisa nazuk sa pal
Baarish mein bheegta, akela..
Us pal ki behekti chaandani mein

Tha kahin ek ehsaas ki tum yahin kahin ho

Dhoop ki tapti raushni
Usme bante hazaron saaye
Us saaye ke gehre andhere mein

Tha kahin ek ehsaas ki tum yahin kahin ho

Sard hawaon ka mujhe choo kar guzarna
Un hawaon mein geeli mitti ki khushboo
Us khushboo ki shiddat mein

Tha kahin ek ehsaas ki tum yahin kahin ho

Nazrein jhukae khwabon ki panha mein aana
Khwabon mein dil ki khwahishon ko jeena
Us khwab ki behoshi, madhoshi mein

Tha kahin ek ehsaas ki tum yahin kahin ho

Tooti imaarat sa lamho ka bikhar jaana
Un lamhon ko samet aanchal mein chhupana
Phir na bikhar jaayein, is darr mein bhi

Tha kahin ek ehsaas ki tum yahin kahin ho

Har aahat mein mera mudd ke peeche dekhna
Darwaza khulne pe bhi tumhara wahan na hona
Us mayoosi mein, tanhai mein

Tha kahin ek ehsaas, ki shaayad tum nahi ho..

To have or not to have..

“Kabhi kisi ko mukammal jahaan nahi milta..
Kabhi zameen to kabhi aasmaan nahi milta..”

My mother told me this sometime last year as I sat and complained to her on the phone about something that wasn’t working out in my life..

She listened patiently to me and then told me this phrase..

As I sit back today and wonder, I see what a blessing it was that everything I wanted didn’t work out for me.. that at that point of time I didn’t realize it but God had a better plan for me in mind..

Its good when sometimes things you pray for very hard don’t work out for you.. because most of the times there is something more rewarding waiting at the end of the curb..

But then even it there isn’t anything better waiting why should life be so complete.. why should anyone reach a point where everything they wanted worked out for them.. If that happened how would we learn to value what we had, how would we value our relationships, material possessions and spiritual and emotional enlightenments.. How would we learn our own strength that stems from the realization that yes we can do without..

When we look at whatever we don’t have in life.. why don’t we first look at what all we do have and how fulfilling that in itself can be.. Yes it is a very utopian way of thinking but isn’t it better than lamenting about what could have been and isn’t..

Kaise..

Chaand ko apne aanchal mein chupa bhi lo
Use apni chandni phelane se rokoge kaise

Rait ko apni mutthi mein thaam bhi lo
Use hatheli mein baandh ke rakhoge kaise

Sagar ke paani ko gagar mein bhar bhi lo
Use kisi ki pyaas bhujaane se rokoge kaise

Tars mein apni aankhein band kar bhi lo
Un sapno ki aahat ko ansuna karoge kaise

Dard mein duniya se parda kar bhi lo
Aansuon ki tanha raahon ko rokoge kaise

Hazaron shamaon ko jalaa bhi lo
Atit ke saaye ke andhere ko raushan karoge kaise

Tasavuur ki bulandi ko kabu mein kar bhi lo
Us dard bhare lamhe ko bhuloge kaise

Dil ko chahe jitna hi tum samjha lo, manaa lo
Un yaadon ke saaye se bhagoge kaise

Dekh ke uski parchayi chaahe nazrein jhuka bhi lo
Mann se uski tasveer ko nikaloge kaise

Kisi ko apni zindagi se alehda kar bhi do
Use apne wujood ki tanhaiyon se juda karoge kaise

The 'S' Factor!

A very random thought occurred to me suddenly at work.. and yes this one is random even by my standards..

I have so many close friends whose names begin with the letter ‘S’!

Some of my closest
Some of my dearest

Some who drive me up and down walls
Some who take most of my time in calls!!

With some who I communicate only through emails
We give such a good name to gmail!

Some are in Greenville and some in Shrajahan
Kyon Sabh chale gaye yahaan wahaan!

Thank God for those who are in NY and Boston
Without you guys life would be no fun!

Some close to my soul and a very dear friend

My bruises scrapes and cuts she knows how to mend

Jo India mein hain.. please call them back
How can they leave me and go.. they must be on crack

How much you all mean to me.. each of you
How to explain in words.. I don’t have a clue!!!!!!!!

To all of you.. You know who you are.. I love you guys!!!!

Zaroorat

Teri bandagi hai meri raahat
Tera khayal meri shiddat

Teri dua hai meri kismet
Teri Aarzoo meri zeenat

Teri hasi hai meri jannat
Tera wujood meri asliyat

Tera asar hai meri mohobbat
Teri deewangee mujh pe inaayat

Teri yaad hai meri Ibaadat
Teri khudai meri insaniyat

Teri jhalak hai meri daulat
Teri tamanna meri khidmat

Tera chehra hai meri chaahat
Teri wafaein meri sharaafat

Teri soch hai meri taaqat
Teri ruh meri zamaanat

Tujhe khona mere liye qayamt
Tera hona hai meri zaroorat

Ittefaaq

Raat ko jo seher mein dhalta dekha maine
To surkhi tumhari nazar aayi

Shaam ko jo aaj pighalta dekha maine
To madhoshi tumhari nazar aayi

Andhere mein jo aankhein bandh ki maine
To tanhai tumhari nazar aayi

Shamaa ko jo jalta dekha maine
To raushni tumhari nazar aayi

Khubsoorti ko jo aur tarasha maine
To aara’ish tunmhari nazar aayi

Dua mein jo nazrein jhukai maine
To bandagi tumhari nazar aayi

Awaargi ki deewangi ko jo apnaya maine
To manzil tumhari nazar aayi

Dard se jo panha maangi maine
To aazmaish tumhari nazar aayi

Aaine mein jo khud ko talasha maine
To parchayi tumhari nazar aayi

Hoosne ittefaaq bhi jo kisi aur ko dekha maine
To tasveer sirf tumhari.. sirf tumhari nazar aayi

Hazaron Khwahishein Aisi..

Hazaron Khwahishein Aisi..

Ki dua mein bhi jo uthaun haath
To lavz pe ho mere, bas tera hee naam

Hazaron Khwahishein Aisi

Ki Chaand ki Chandani ko
Hatheli mein bhar laun main tere liye

Hazaron Khwahishein Aisi..

Ki andhere se jagoon main jab
To raushan ho tera chehra mere samne

Hazaron Khwahishein Aisi

Ki phoolon ki chaadar
Bicha dun tere kadmo ke neeche main

Hazaron Khwahishein Aisi

Ki dhoop mein tere yaadon ke aanchal
Se dhak lun khud ko

Hazaron Khwahishein Aisi

Ki sawan ki pehli baarish
Ho teri khushboo mein bheegi hui

Hazaron Khwahishein Aisi

Ki Sagar ki lehron ki de dun
Main rawani tujhe

Hazaron Khahishein Aisi

Ki phoolon ki os jaisa mehka ho
Tera har aansoon

Hazaron Khwahishein Aisi

Ki jabh sambhal na sakun khud ko
To bandagi teri aake sambhaale mujhe

Hazaron Khwahishein Aisi

Ki har khwahish tujhse shuru ho
Aur tujh hi pe ruk jaaye

Hazaron Khwahishein Aisi

Ki tujhe pane ki khwahishein
Badhti jaayein mujhme.. har pal..

An eternity.. in a lifetime!

While searching for some music I came across this article about a show being held in India gate on August 9th this year. The show will be a jugalbandi between Lata Mangeshkar and Shehnai Maestro Ustad Bismillah Khan!

The date is special for two reasons.. Firstly because 2006 is the 75th year of the India Gate as a standing monument, built in 1931 as a tribute to the world war 1 martyrs. August 9th, particularly because the "Quit India Movement"was launched on this very date in 1942.

Ustad Bismillah Khan had performed at the Red Fort on August 15th 1947 when India gained independance and now almost 60 years later as he turns 91 he has expressed it as his last wish to play at the India Gate.

"Ae mere watan ke logon" one of the most touching patriotic songs when sung by Lata Mangeshkar at the age of 16 had our then Prime Minister Jawahar Lal Nehru in tears.

.. And once again these two music maestros come together to perform to accolade India's Independance on a day so marked in our historical and heroical struggle for Independance.

.. 59 years of Independance for us and an eternity in a lifetime for them..

Salaam Bombay..

In the wake of this tragedy as we pray for people loved and gone.. I heard something that was very uplifting for me..

The tragedy that hit the city yesterday resulted in a lot of people being stranded in various parts of the city and still trying to reach their respective homes at odd hours of the night..

To cope with this, people were out on the streets distributing food and water to hungry and tired people, providing them with shelter and maybe the much needed smile.. These people out on the streets live there because they don’t have enough money to be able to live in a house.. they probably also don’t know how they will feed their families tomorrow or how they will replace this precious resource of their lives.. Yet they are out on the streets, helping, giving and understanding..

Similarly when the Uphaar Cinema tragedy hit Delhi many years ago, mattress sellers laid out mattresses under the windows of the theatre enabling people to jump out and not be injured in the process. They knew that once they did this no one would buy these mattresses from them.. but still they laid out their bread and butter to help some unknown people who they had never met before..

We praise big industrialists or philanthropists when they make some big donations to charities.. yet we fail to see altruism and sacrifices in their pure form.. performed with no expectation of reciprocation, fame or accolades.. small yet so big and poignant..

That is the spirit of my people, my India. As Gregory David Roberts says in his book Shantaram, “that love may not have been invented in India but it was definitely perfected here” .. India.. where truly the “Heart is King!”

To have the heart of a terrorist..

I was thinking yesterday what the psyche of a terrorist must be.. How brain washed they must be to plant bombs and kill innocent people..

Heartlessness such as that must be an evolved feeling.. over the years, after experiencing suffering, pain and maybe even extreme brutality..

What must have those people been thinking while planting the bomb in one of the busiest stations in Bombay.. Do they even deserve to be called people..? While planting the bomb, did the terrorist once think about the tears that would fall, the scars that would be left, the heartache caused and the thousands of people they would plunge into total darkness.. Maybe he was thinking about his own mother, or wife or maybe his child.. who died at the hands of the suffering inflicted by some unknown demon and the result of that was this backlash..

I saw a picture online yesterday of people standing in front of lists posted by hospitals of the injured and the dead.. trying and hoping to never find the name on that list.. a name they love.. a name that is a part of their very existence.. and then suddenly number 37 seems like an achingly familiar name of maybe someone’s son or brother or mother.. and then the tragedy unfolds..

Peace be with those people who have lost in this tragedy.. with the souls of the people gone.. with the memories that they have left behind..

..and I pray to you my God.. to awash the hearts of these terrorists with repentance.. so that they may never commit such a heinous act of vengeance and hatred again..

Vrrrrooooommmmmm!!!!!!!!

Indy, the blazing sun, ice cold water and beer vendors, a stadium which looked like someone had splashed red across its bleachers and 22 roaring cars..

The Formula 1 race.. A truly phenomenal experience!

22 speed demons set out on a sinuous racing track.. in an effort to conquer it again and yet again (73 times to be precise!).. and emerge victorious..

The first lap was extremely eventful with 6 cars in a head on collision with each other leading to one of them taking 3, 360 degree flips in the air.. I reached out to hold my friend’s hand saying “Marr Gaya” with a sinking heart..

When the driver was interviewed later, he just shrugged his shoulders saying “it was just three flips in the air.. not a big deal” you know.. the banal attitude of “all in a day’s work” .. lol!

The rest of the race was spent trying to capture Schumi’s Red Ferrari on camera.. I think I caught the dust that it left in its wake several times!!!! I even got a shot of Massa’s car thinking it’s the Ferrari that I wanted, later realizing that I managed to capture the other one which was a couple of seconds behind Schumi’s red haze!

The noise, the feel of the car in your bones, the anticipation of the win and seeing “the red” cruise through the checkered flag!

To the great one, for giving the performance of a lifetime!

Rumi

Was recently going through a book called the Soul of Rumi.. Rumi is a very famous Sufi Saint and he wrote something that I couldn't get out of my mind.. an excerpt from one of his poems..

I want to be where
your bare foot walks,

because maybe before you step
you'll look at the ground.

I want that blessing.

When love becomes divine enough that even the shadow of a look is benediction.. a glance a prayer and a glimpse is ultimate solace..

The thought in itself is purity and this kind of devotion.. an unconditional sacrifice..

Khwahish

Aaj kai arson ke baad dil mein,
Kuch likhne ki khwahish jaagi hai

Armanon aur khayalon ko kisi ko batane ki,
Kisiko sunane ki khwahish jaagi hai

Kaagaz ke pannon ko aaraa kar,
Syaahi se rangne ki khwahish jaagi hai

In lamhon ko isi bahane in pannon mein
Kaid karne ki khwahish jaagi hai

Sard hawaon ko ruk ruk ke phir,
Behne ki khwahish jaagi hai

Behti lehron ko ek baar phir
Kinaare se milne ki khwahish jaagi hai

Taaron ki mehfil mein baithe us channd ko,
Apni chaandni ki khwahish jaagi hai

Baadlon ko apne aanchal ke aagosh mein
Chaand ko chupane ki khwahish jaagi hai

Diye ko apne aap ko fanaa kar
Roshni ki khwahish jaagi hai

Mit jaane ki tamanna dil mein liye,
Phir se jeene ki khwahish jaagi hai

Apne khuda ko yaad kar aaj tumhe,
Dua mein mangne ki khwahish jaagi hai

Kyonki palkon ko band kiye yaadon ke beech
Aaj ek baar phir mujhe.. tumhari khwahish jaagi hai …

Soul Music

I think Aankhon Ke Saagar and Khamaj are two songs that sound like someone just played the strings of the violin that is your heart..

Aadat by Atif has become an aadat for me.. the passion in that song reveberates through the mind

Tum Pukar Lo from Khamoshi (the old Waheeda Rehman and Rajesh Khanna movie) is a lament like none other..

I get drunk on Aaj Jaane Ki Zid Na Karo from Monsoon Wedding..

The lyrics of Mehfooz by Euphoria leave me stupefied and jealous.. Stupefied because of how beautiful they are and jealous because I didn't write them..

The Sound of Silence by Paul Simon and Careless Whisper are silent passions..

I like to connect the Title of Bheegi Yaadein and the line from Najane kyon when he says "Yaadon ka phir aanchal uda.. na jaane kyon.. na jaane kyon" seems like the two people were writing on two different sides of the same coin..

I love the line from Jagjeet Singh's ghazal - "Aaina dekh ke bole aaj savarne waale.. abh to bemaut marenge mere marne wale.." That innocent vanity once in a while must be a good feeling..

Kaagaz Ki Kashti is a memoir so profound.. brings back an insane longing for childhood..

Seeking and finding..

My roommate recently told me:

"Ridz, I don’t thank God enough for all the wonderful people in my life.."

I replied back to her saying that, that’s true, we really don’t thank that mighty power that grants us these wonderful people.. but we also don’t thank Him enough for the way He has made us. It is because of the way we are that those wonderful people are attracted to us and are a part of our lives..

This thought gave rise to another one.. Sometimes the happiness that we seek rests inside us.. but we are so scared of unleashing lest its taken away from us that we keep it locked inside like a reserve stock holding onto it till the last minute.. much like the kastoori that rests inside a deer’s stomach. When a loved one is about to die, deer from all over the forest run around, desperately looking for the life giving element that’ll help give a few more precious hours to their loved one, not knowing that all this time it rested deep within them..

When we ourselves our hurting we look around trying to find the peace, solace or happiness that’ll put an end to the pain.. what we don’t realize is that many a times it is within us to look through the darkness and find the light at the end of the tunnel and reach out towards it..

The deer is the only living being blessed with this miracle of life and the human being is the only one blessed with the power to unleash it..

Zindagi.. Uske hazaron naam..

Zamaane beet gaye, talaashte hue zindagi
Muud ke dekha maine to aaine mein muskurati mili..

Nigahon se maine jo naam uska poocha
To has ke mujhe mera hi naam bata gayi

Woh jawab mere liye ek paheli si ban gayi
Ek aur paheli ka samna shayad kar na sakoon

Darr ke usi andhere ke taraf haath badhaya maine
Jiski tanhai mein mujhe sukoon milta hai

Yeh karte dekh mujhe, raushni se darte dekh mujhe
Haath thaam ke mera mujhse boli

Jo kal paheli thi who hamesha rehti nahi
Waqt ke saaye mein apna anjam dhund leti hai

Apne aap ko itna bhi kya sambhaalna
Ki sambhalna tunhari fitrat hee ban jaye

Mera chehra ek kitaab ki tarah padh ke boli..
Dard ki shiddat bohot kuch sikha deti hai

Tamannaon ki gehrai mein jo naam samaa jaaye
Zindagi ko kuch din usi naam se pukar lo..

Waqt ke saath tamanna, aarzoo aur naam
Sabh mukhtalif raaste dhund lete hain..

Un raaston pe chalte chalte hum zindagi ko..
Kai naamon se pukarna seekh lete hain..