Retrospect..

Apne aap ko itna bhi kya sambhaalna..
Ki sambhalna tumhari fitrat hee ban jaaye..

As I look back at the last seven or eight years of my life, in retrospect I realize how much I have protected myself at every point from pain, from sorrow, from being hurt.. so much so that, that has become an inherent part of me, my nature, of how I react to situations..

Why are we scared of being hurt, why do we look out so much for ourselves, why don’t we let ourselves be a little more vulnerable, and most importantly learn to put a little more trust in a higher power or being to bail us out of certain life-changing yet profoundly educational experiences.. experiences that makes us stronger individuals.. better equipped to face the next curve ball that life throws our way..

It seems to me that I have almost played a sort of Tug of War with life, where I have tried to hold on to the rope too tight.. without realizing that sometimes it is essential to be pulled over to the other side.. or to feel the shock when life suddenly lets go of the rope and the foundation on which one stands gets pulled out from under the feet..

I guess I’ve realized or at least am trying to realize that its ok to fall, to scrape not only my knees but also my heart or maybe even the very essence of my being.. and it makes it less painful to know that at the end of the day when the healing process starts I will be a better, stronger and a less vulnerable person after the experience..