Dor

I guess I am going through a time in my life.. where prayer seems to be the only salvation..

Sitting in a car, going for a shower, just sitting pretending to watch TV or read a book.. certain thoughts kept coming back.. making me think.. and then think some more..

I sat there stressed and wondering, swinging between feeling guilty, being sad, getting close to tears, smiling at some memory... and then I realized.. I am not following my own faith.. my biggest belief..

Tera Ram Ji karenge beda paar
Udaasi mann kahe ko kare..

Tera Ram Ji karenge beda paar
Udaasi mann kahe ko kare..

Dori sonp ke to dekh ek baar
Udaasi mann kahe ko kare..

Thats it then.. We try to hold on too tight.. We think the reigns of our lives are in our own hands and we try to maneuver the course life takes.. take control.. but kabhi bhi is dor ko in reings ko Uske haath mein sopne ki koshish nahi ki Jisne yeh zindagi di hai...

So in that one moment I made a decision.. that I would just let go and let Him decide..

Someone very close to my heart presented me with a beautiful thought: "When you love someone too much.. they become your weakness.." She said.. "God is my weakness and that is why He is my strength..."

I've decided to adopt this in my life.. I have always had faith in Him and respected Him.. Maybe never realizing that those emotions really stemmed out of love..

So as I sit here.. struggling with emotions, big changes, my new mac (that I still don't know how to use), a new (old) place, a new time zone.. I pray.. to Him.. to please take over..